Lately
Lately the concept chronical in-satisfaction runs around my head too often. I’m working full time as a game developer, our first facebook game is about to go live-live and I’m deeply involved in the design of a Wii title to be released in summer 2010. The sort of stuff I do every day is fun, challenging and something I wouldn’t have dream of a couple of years ago. Yet…
… I long to do so much more!. Learn this and that, prototype one of the 100 game ideas I have… Pick up singing and drawing and start doing beautiful artsy apps for the iPhone. All those things I want to do seem to distract me from what I am already doing; they keep me from being thankful and happy with life.
So… That’s my current personal goal. Focus less on what I want to do, and more on enjoying how cool the things that I am already doing are. Its good to have goals and aspirations, not so cool that they keep you from living and enjoying today.
Right?.
Something I just read in a book
From Girlfriend in a Coma by Douglas Coupland:
There is a hardness in modern people. Those little moments of goofiness that used to make the day pass seem to have gone. Life’s so serious now [...] nobody even has hobbies these days. Not that I can see. Husbands and wives both work. Kids are farmed out to schools and video games. Nobody seems to be able to endure simply being by themselves, either – but at the same time they’re isolated. People work much more, only to go home and surf the Internet and send e-mail rather than calling or writing a note or visiting each other. They work, watch TV, and sleep. [...] The whole world is about work: work, work, work, get, get, get… racing ahead… getting sacked from work… going online… knowing computers… winning contracts. [...] People are frazzled and angry, desperate about money, and, at best, indifferent to the future
… sigh.
A year of fire
It feels as if the time I spent in Canada was a transitional phase, the “hector before” and “hector now” breaking point. While I was up there I learned a lot and had a good experiences, yet coming back to Mexico was like being thrown a bucket of cold water in the face. I do like it here, nothing wrong with Mexico, its just that back here meant something quite interesting: growing.
Over the years I’ve build good skills in what I do, and I’ve managed to always have good work and keep doing interesting things (crossing my fingers things stay like that). Still, before Canada I was living with my parents and even though I was working and all, things didn’t feel so serious. And while in Canada I was again into the University vibe, cool friends, international parties and, again, that didn’t feel so serious. Back in Mexico though, I was all of a sudden the Chair of a department with strong responsibilities in a job that forced me to wear a tie, I had moved in with my girlfriend (who left her life in France just to be with me), and starting having debt and all those crazy grown up things. Yes, bucket of cold water in the face.
Then I realized I didn’t like the suit wearing job at all, it was not meant for me, and I kept getting interesting projects proposals due to my Flash portfolio and the contacts I had been doing over the years. Those projects grew and it meant getting together with good partners that would allow me to make things happen, and thats how Radical Golem grew. We’ve been having very good projects over quite a while now, and I can see things only getting better for several reasons. Yet its interesting to manage projects and a company in the middle of a world wide crisis. So many questions. I feel like I’m learning a lot and this is only the beginning. The Hector by the end of 2009 will be a guy I already want to meet and ask him a couple of questions. he he he.
Sigh… I can only hope I make the right choices. Will Hector the developer survive?, or Hector the manager will finally overcome?, what do the projects require?… O__o
Cigars – Good times
I know its not healthy, but I have started enjoying the habit of smoking a good cigar now and then. I don’t do it everyday though. Anyway, this weekend I had the chance to enjoy good cigars with good friends, for both Hector Luis’s birth day party and Erik’s bachelor party.
… other than that, this is me testing the “blog this photo” feature on flickr. :-P
Picture taking
I shouldn’t have, but I decided to open my flickr account the other day and all those feelings came back. The feeling of walking around with no set goal in mind, looking for a nice angle, “collecting graffiti”, and walking for hours non stop. Having a little camera in my jeans was a good excuse to make those aimless walks purposeful, and after all I did have a couple of good shots. Now?… Well, now I realize I’m always “that guy” without a camera. My life is somewhat documented through pictures of other people and I get to see them if they happen to tag me in a social network. But they are all spread all over the place. Even when I travel, I never have a camera… That’s gotta stop!.
I won’t get into DSLR (at least not yet), but I want to have a little point-n-shoot in my morral (man purse?) and allow me to experience the world like that now and then, to document it. My flickr account had expired for a couple of years. O.o That’s how careless I was with it. Heh… Anyway… Lets see if I can get back into that. :-)
Music
My constant lack of internet during the 2nd half of 2008 made me forget how good last.fm is. Enjoying it a lot!. That’s how you find new groups and good stuff. ;-)
Twitting
It’s been hard for me lately to sit down and write a proper post in this blog. I’m busy. I try to keep updating a Flash/ActionScript blog quite regularly, and by the end of the day, when I do have the time to blog here, I just want to get away from the computer. Heh.
So I succumbed. I’m in Twitter now. Those little notes are completly random and happen through the day. It’s not that bad actually, you just need to be disciplined about it. Discipline: I’ve been learning a lot about that lately!. It’s really the best way to get things done.
Cheers
Wrapping up, moving on…
This has been a good year. When it stared I had mostly two goals in mind and both came to be. Now I’m engaged and very happy living with Albane, and work wise 2008 has been very exciting. I started the year afraid of what was to come work wise. Starting a company?, working by ourselves with international clients?… are we nuts?. A lot of people were less than suportive, but we’ve been doing pretty darn good so far. Yes, there have been stressing times! (more that I’d have liked), but in a way I think I have learnt more than I could have in an MBA. Dealing with deadlines, clients, paychecks and peope… sheeesh. Heh. But we’ve come through and are now working on a game title. Good times!.
So yes… Work wise life has been good and I expect it to get even better in 2009. Love wise its been awesome. Albane and I keep learning to be together and adapt to each other and enjoy each other’s company and differences more and more. Its been good. She’s the one. But I did neglect a couple of things this year: my health, my relationships.
I was so focused on work that I couldn’t be around people I cared for. Now is too late for one of them. I miss Pollo and I feel horrible I wasn’t around him enough, and that made me wonder. If I do achieve all that I want to achieve professionally, will I be happy?… Mmmh. I don’t think so!. I think I’ll always want more and more. I’m addicted to learning new things and the way I am I’d just need bigger and bigger challenges. So while professional life could bring me a lot of satisfaction and the means to achieve some goals, it won’t be the source of happiness in my life. For that I need my friends and loved ones. I’ll focus on that during 2009.
Likewise, I had some major health problems during the year because of being a tad too stressed. Turns out I had a tumor that could have gotten nasty, I had surgery and all that. Why did I decide to go to the doctor despite the fact that I had been feeling ill for so long already?… Again, Pollo. It was him that conviced me to go in appreciation of my health. I’ll consider that one of his best gifts to me. Had it not been for his commets maybe I’d still have something inside of me growing and able to destroy me… So health is my second one.
I think its better to have one or two goals and really focus instead of having a ton… I’m setting two: re-connect with friends and be healthy. Lets see how it goes. :-) 2009 will be very very interesting. :-)
Engaged man
Post lately have been a tad criptic. More like “notes to self”. Life is still going on a crazy path and I’m not sure where its leading. Many opportunities, way to busy, surgery happening soon. Lets keep those posts criptic until I have more time to be detailed and fun again.
For now what matters is that I’m engaged. :-) The surprise was awesome, she had tears of joy and I think I had a couple my self. Thanks a lot to Victor and Hector Luis for setting things up.
